Fighting during Fertile Week

The thing about Trying to Conceive, is it's all about timing, right?

What about when you fight?

My husband and I were in a pretty serious fight, you know the kind where you don't even argue because you've come to the conclusion that talking about it can only make things worse?
Yeah, that kind of fight.


Right in the beginning of Fertile Week.

I got my positive OPK yesterday morning, hubby and I made up, so I guess we'll see this month if once is truly enough.

In case it's not, as I'm anticipating, I'm geared up for cycle 5.
I've got an herbal blend called PregnancyPrep from New Seasons Market, and folate/prenatals on order.

Come on, February.

The Period that Lasts FOREVER

Cycle #4 Post-Mirena

I just got over a 26 day cycle in which I was on my "period" (because there were FIVE days of spotting) for NINE days. That's over 1/3 of my cycle.

This cycle looks as if the same thing will happen. I'm now on day six and Mother Nature is still knocking at my door.

So what do you do when you don't want sex to be a chore? You don't want sex to just be about TTC, but about making love, and being intimate with your partner? What do you do when your annoying Aunt Flo overstays her welcome?

My answer: Ride the crimson tide.

Why wait?

My husband and I have been together for four and a half years. He is the man I lost my virginity to. I remember the first time we accidentally had period sex and I was so incredibly embarrassed.

I think at a certain point, our relationship got to a place where we can basically do anything and feel comfortable.

My husband loves me, literally unconditionally.

I can think of a few reasons why anyone else would leave me. I've done some horrible things, things I am not proud of, and he's stood by me through all of it and still sees me as perfect.

So what's a little mess?

If you're lucky enough to have a computer, you probably also have a washer. 

Aren't those things amazing?

Crank up the heat, and wash the damn sheets.

I've learned in a lot of ways not to judge other people, but for some damn reason I can't stop judging myself.

I'm my own worst enemy.

It takes me longer to be comfortable with something new in myself than for my husband. I envy that in him.

Needless to say, we made love today. Well, until my son started screaming in the next room.

It was less than satisfactory, but hey - you can't win them all.

Which is worse?

There are so many people who say trying to conceive should be fun

Those people are obviously the ones who have never tried.


It's like the damn military, everything is all "HURRY UP AND WAIT."
We're always waiting for something.

We're waiting for that first positive ovulation test.
We're waiting for the dye to finally quit running.
We're waiting for fertile week on our app.
We're waiting for the thermometer to beep.

Then we're waiting for any symptom at all to mean something.
We're waiting for someone to comment on our post to give us some kind of hope.
We're waiting for our tests to come in the mail.
We're waiting for our paycheck, so we can blow it on some more tests.
We're waiting, again, for that dye to stop running.


And now we're waiting for the dreaded time in our menstrual cycle we call "Aunt Flo".
There are many names for her, but the bottom line is, she's the most unwanted visitor of them all.
It's the worst thing to wait for.
I'm now 14 Days Past Ovulation, and all of my tests are coming up negative.

A week ago I started craving chocolate.
I should have given up then.

On we go, to Cycle #4. Just waiting for that one red headed family member to show her ugly face.
Another one bites the dust.

TTC and Sex during the Holidays

I can't be the only one going through fertile week during the holidays. I wasn't even scheduled to ovulate until between Christmas and New years, and what do you know? A blazing positive OPK a week early, which just so happened to be right after we got home from my in-laws!
Do you know what we did at my in-laws? Absolutely nothing. We were in a cramped room with my son to attempt at a good night's sleep. There was no sexy time to be had. Which is really too bad, because I was turned on the entire time we were there! Go figure.
I'm not a particularly sexual person, and the one time I wanted it, my husband was totally unavailable.
I feel like TTC during the holidays should be a video game achievement or SOMETHING. It is hard work, it has to be perfectly timed (especially with a little one already around!) It was a dang chore to have sex two days in a row. I was planning on doing the baby dance every other day between my fertile window, and then that positive OPK messed up my master plan!
Okay, so you really can't always get what you want. It will come around when the time is right. Or when you least expect it, or whatever makes you feel better.

So currently, I'm in the dreaded two week wait, and I'll be testing in a week!
Stay tuned!

The Holidays, Depression, and TTC Forums

Let's talk about all the stuff in the title, mashed together. It's ugly. It's a lot of women on an online forum, complaining and mushing about not being pregnant for Christmas.

I'm sorry if I come across as rude or insensitive, but I like being a part of TTC forums for informational purposes, and to include other women in my journey. I understand the heartbreak of another period, or all of those stark white BFNs. But I don't want people to drag me down; I do that enough on my own. I want hope! When something goes wrong, I take it as a challenge to do it right the next time. Yes, this is only my third month of trying, but each month I have done something different to try to change my outcome.

Yes, I sit around and mope sometimes. But I don't do it publicly on forums because I feel like it should be a more positive place.

But heaven forbid if I were to actually say this! Some women in TTC groups are super sensitive, and I feel sometimes as if I'm walking on eggshells. I understand a lot of women deal with infertility issues, but there are support groups for those specific problems. I don't look down on those women, but EVERYONE complains of being jealous of pregnant women. All. The. Time.

Just this last weekend I had my hand on my sister-in-law's very pregnant belly, feeling my nephew move around. I was overcome with love and nostalgia. I can't wait for that day again, but in no way did I secretly hate her, or become jealous.
It made me want to try harder.

In all of this, I hope I've inspired you to think of yourself not as a failure. You are never a failure - you just have to keep going, and keep trying.

On that note, today marks the start of my fertile week - FINGERS CROSSED!! XXX

Cycle Day One

The dreaded three words.

We are going on cycle three post-Mirena removal (I feel extremely fortunate that my cycles went back to normal immediately. It was worth the excruciating pain of getting it removed.)

My first cycle, I tried OPKs and temping. Last cycle I couldn't temp consistently enough so I gave up and stuck to OPKs and cervical mucous. I never would have pictured myself examining myself so thoroughly and writing it down every day. But here I am. Desperate!
This cycle I vow to be more relaxed, because being at my husband's throat every day is just no fun for anyone.
I vow to go to the gym more, to eat healthier, and I will continue with cm and OPKs because let's face it, I would be more stressed if I didn't know when I ovulated.

My husband and I haven't been intimate in too long and the one day I'm ready, aunt flo decides to pay me a visit. Thanks a lot, uterus.

Cycle Day One. All I can do is laugh it off and say, okay THIS month will be our month. I so want to give my son a sibling (even though he's been driving me bonkers).

I am on all of these TTC communities and frankly I get depressed by a lot of the posts. Because I don't have enough fertility issues, or because I already have a son, or because I don't get depressed when I see these BFP posts, I feel like my concerns aren't valid.
Which is why I started a blog instead! I hope that through my journey I can inspire other women to not be so down.

Until tomorrow... ❤