March BFP!!

So it looks like we'll be saying hello to our newest addition in December!


I took PregnancyPrep again this month, added Omega-3 to my regimen, and I felt much less stressed this month.
I didn't tell my husband when I was in my fertile week. We BD every other day throughout fertile window.

I got my first squinter at 9DPO and they've all been positive since then!
Please feel free to follow my VBAC blog!

Thank you all for joining in my journey.

February is MY month

January came and went.
I felt sluggish most of the month.
I quit trying, for a little while and I feel like I needed that.

I got onto iHerb.com and decided to order some prenatals with Folate, and I ordered some Folate supplements. As you all know, I had my first son with spontaneous Spina Bifida, so I am required to take 4mg of Folic Acid/Folate prior to TTC another. (Normal women TTC are recommended to take 400-800mcg of FA).

I sometimes get super motivated, and then chicken out. Like with school, with work, with chores.
I want to do it so bad and I feel like I would accomplish so much, and then fear hits me.
What if I fail? What if I'm not happy with my results?
That is why I took January off. I quit taking my prenatals because I realized, taking Folic Acid was probably doing me more harm than good. And it made me feel like a failure.

Then I asked myself... if not now, when?
I need to pull my head out of my butt and get this show on the road. I'm being selfish. I'm making myself a victim.

But February will be my month.
I'm currently 6DPO, but not symptom spotting since my husband and I BD once during fertile week, and once the day after ovulation.

As you recall, we were fighting a lot.

So, here's to AF showing again in 8 days or so, and starting all over again.

Fighting during Fertile Week

The thing about Trying to Conceive, is it's all about timing, right?

What about when you fight?

My husband and I were in a pretty serious fight, you know the kind where you don't even argue because you've come to the conclusion that talking about it can only make things worse?
Yeah, that kind of fight.


Right in the beginning of Fertile Week.

I got my positive OPK yesterday morning, hubby and I made up, so I guess we'll see this month if once is truly enough.

In case it's not, as I'm anticipating, I'm geared up for cycle 5.
I've got an herbal blend called PregnancyPrep from New Seasons Market, and folate/prenatals on order.

Come on, February.

The Period that Lasts FOREVER

Cycle #4 Post-Mirena

I just got over a 26 day cycle in which I was on my "period" (because there were FIVE days of spotting) for NINE days. That's over 1/3 of my cycle.

This cycle looks as if the same thing will happen. I'm now on day six and Mother Nature is still knocking at my door.

So what do you do when you don't want sex to be a chore? You don't want sex to just be about TTC, but about making love, and being intimate with your partner? What do you do when your annoying Aunt Flo overstays her welcome?

My answer: Ride the crimson tide.

Why wait?

My husband and I have been together for four and a half years. He is the man I lost my virginity to. I remember the first time we accidentally had period sex and I was so incredibly embarrassed.

I think at a certain point, our relationship got to a place where we can basically do anything and feel comfortable.

My husband loves me, literally unconditionally.

I can think of a few reasons why anyone else would leave me. I've done some horrible things, things I am not proud of, and he's stood by me through all of it and still sees me as perfect.

So what's a little mess?

If you're lucky enough to have a computer, you probably also have a washer. 

Aren't those things amazing?

Crank up the heat, and wash the damn sheets.

I've learned in a lot of ways not to judge other people, but for some damn reason I can't stop judging myself.

I'm my own worst enemy.

It takes me longer to be comfortable with something new in myself than for my husband. I envy that in him.

Needless to say, we made love today. Well, until my son started screaming in the next room.

It was less than satisfactory, but hey - you can't win them all.

Which is worse?

There are so many people who say trying to conceive should be fun

Those people are obviously the ones who have never tried.


It's like the damn military, everything is all "HURRY UP AND WAIT."
We're always waiting for something.

We're waiting for that first positive ovulation test.
We're waiting for the dye to finally quit running.
We're waiting for fertile week on our app.
We're waiting for the thermometer to beep.

Then we're waiting for any symptom at all to mean something.
We're waiting for someone to comment on our post to give us some kind of hope.
We're waiting for our tests to come in the mail.
We're waiting for our paycheck, so we can blow it on some more tests.
We're waiting, again, for that dye to stop running.


And now we're waiting for the dreaded time in our menstrual cycle we call "Aunt Flo".
There are many names for her, but the bottom line is, she's the most unwanted visitor of them all.
It's the worst thing to wait for.
I'm now 14 Days Past Ovulation, and all of my tests are coming up negative.

A week ago I started craving chocolate.
I should have given up then.

On we go, to Cycle #4. Just waiting for that one red headed family member to show her ugly face.
Another one bites the dust.

TTC and Sex during the Holidays

I can't be the only one going through fertile week during the holidays. I wasn't even scheduled to ovulate until between Christmas and New years, and what do you know? A blazing positive OPK a week early, which just so happened to be right after we got home from my in-laws!
Do you know what we did at my in-laws? Absolutely nothing. We were in a cramped room with my son to attempt at a good night's sleep. There was no sexy time to be had. Which is really too bad, because I was turned on the entire time we were there! Go figure.
I'm not a particularly sexual person, and the one time I wanted it, my husband was totally unavailable.
I feel like TTC during the holidays should be a video game achievement or SOMETHING. It is hard work, it has to be perfectly timed (especially with a little one already around!) It was a dang chore to have sex two days in a row. I was planning on doing the baby dance every other day between my fertile window, and then that positive OPK messed up my master plan!
Okay, so you really can't always get what you want. It will come around when the time is right. Or when you least expect it, or whatever makes you feel better.

So currently, I'm in the dreaded two week wait, and I'll be testing in a week!
Stay tuned!

The Holidays, Depression, and TTC Forums

Let's talk about all the stuff in the title, mashed together. It's ugly. It's a lot of women on an online forum, complaining and mushing about not being pregnant for Christmas.

I'm sorry if I come across as rude or insensitive, but I like being a part of TTC forums for informational purposes, and to include other women in my journey. I understand the heartbreak of another period, or all of those stark white BFNs. But I don't want people to drag me down; I do that enough on my own. I want hope! When something goes wrong, I take it as a challenge to do it right the next time. Yes, this is only my third month of trying, but each month I have done something different to try to change my outcome.

Yes, I sit around and mope sometimes. But I don't do it publicly on forums because I feel like it should be a more positive place.

But heaven forbid if I were to actually say this! Some women in TTC groups are super sensitive, and I feel sometimes as if I'm walking on eggshells. I understand a lot of women deal with infertility issues, but there are support groups for those specific problems. I don't look down on those women, but EVERYONE complains of being jealous of pregnant women. All. The. Time.

Just this last weekend I had my hand on my sister-in-law's very pregnant belly, feeling my nephew move around. I was overcome with love and nostalgia. I can't wait for that day again, but in no way did I secretly hate her, or become jealous.
It made me want to try harder.

In all of this, I hope I've inspired you to think of yourself not as a failure. You are never a failure - you just have to keep going, and keep trying.

On that note, today marks the start of my fertile week - FINGERS CROSSED!! XXX